The original, 1-page short story version of

"The Green Planet"

Copyright © 1978 by Roger M. Wilcox. All rights reserved.
(writing on this story officially began 1-April-1978, but probably began a few days earlier)
The original draft was written on a mechanical typewriter, single-spaced, with no right margin. All spellings, punctuation, capitalizations, strings of exclamation points, colors, etc. are as in the original. Unfortunately, without scanning it in and presenting an image, I can't really convey all the typewriter overstrikes and correction-fluid voids I had to slog through in the original.

You have been warned.

Chapter 1:Theory...

After Hal Filer graduated from CalTech, he decided to work on some theories. 'What a famous person I would be if I made a "Time Theorem",' Hal thought to himself, 'Now, let's see, light is the basis of time energy. If I could go faster than light, I could break the time barrier! I'll get to work on this.'
Hal got to work to prove the time "theory" (or so thought). He finally did it (to the amazement of hismelf) & thought, 'Now, if I could only find out how to work the darned thing.'...

Chapter 2:Travel...

    He finally figured it out; it had to be potentiometer set & 'shined' at something far, far away.
    Mars was a good answer, but setting the potentiometer was another thing.
    Also, sending an animal through time wouldn't be good either; they couldn't tell him if it worked or not.
    So, Hal decided to take himself into another time. He set the potentiometer to a medium setting, aimed the dish antenna at Mars, grabbed the electrodes, set the timer for 1 hour, & turned the power "on".
    He then sped away into deep space toward Mars, not knowing what he would encounter there....

Chapter 3:Very Strange Beings...

    Hal ended up on Mars alright — but on a beach! 'It must be 2,000,000 B.C.!', thought Hal, 'This Mars is a water planet!'
    Hal was looing around, when a weirdo-thing flew over him. It had lithium wings & a propeller (just in case).
    "What in the world are you?", I asked.
    ""*%_$#%&*-***¼@/;½0961,.:'(^**)heert4$#al", said the thing.
   (TRANSLATION — welcome to the meeting of us).
    "Huh?", I said.
   (TRANSLATION — &%'(%*(***))¼@?/¢½-6574""#$#).
    (Gee, did I say that?)
He took me to a small cave, where he gave me a small pill.
    ""$#%"
    (TRANSLATION — it's totally safe — go ahead — eat it!)
    "Huh"
    (TRANSLATION — (you've already heard it!))
    I supposed it was o.k., so I took it. It tasted fine, but then (30 min. later), I had the biggest, meanest stomach ache this side of Mars' Olympus....

Chapter 4:Return & Destruction

I went to a time-space telemetrizer, set the potentiometer to its maximum setting, grabbed the electrodes, & waited for the timer to end. It brought him back in 30 seconds.
As soon as he took his plop-plop-fizz-fizz, the time machine blew up. Hal Filer would never travel through time again.

DU EWND!!!!!

Author's notes from 2013:

The word "Theorem" typed in the first paragraph originally read "Theory", but during the writing I came under the mistaken impression that a "Theorem" was something that was proven while a "Theory" wasn't. (In reality, theorems only exist in mathematics and logic, while theories — as the term is best understood — only exist in the sciences. Gravity, for example, is "just a theory.")
Behold the return of my dreaded Pronoun Trouble™ in chapter 3.
for you young whippersnappers who don't recognize it, "plop-plop-fizz-fizz" was from the old jingle for Alka-Seltzer. You plopped two of them in water, and they fizzed, you see.

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